Split Pension – Live Apart – is Divorce an Option

Dear Dr. Hope and Mr. Real.
I met a woman online from out of state, and we hit it off. We dated for three years before she moved here and we were married.

At that time, she was estranged from her family. She recently started to repair her relationship with a daughter and would visit her. Our marriage had been showing a few cracks as her emotional state was growing worse due to her loneliness. She worked from home, and I worked some overtime to supplement our income.

With my blessing, she has since moved to her daughter’s state to be near her grandkids. I do not want to travel to keep a marriage going. I’m too old to do that. She has medical issues, so she benefits from my insurance.

We’ve been married only a year and a half. If I bring up a divorce because of the travel and the fact that we have grown apart, I’m afraid she’ll ask for half my pension that I’ve worked my whole life for. What do you advise? – On Edge in Daytona

Setting: Dr. Hope and Mr. Real sit across from each other in a comfortably furnished studio, microphones ready. Papers outlining “On Edge” letter rest on the table.

Dr. Hope: (with a touch of concern) Welcome back, everyone. Today we have a complex scenario from “On Edge” who married a woman online and is now facing some difficult decisions. Mr. Real, you have a very direct approach – what are your initial thoughts on this situation?

Mr. Real: (leans forward, gaze unwavering) Let’s be real, Doc. This marriage was doomed from the start. Built on online fantasy, fueled by distance, and now cracking under the pressure of reality. Guy sacrificed time, energy, even his pension for a dream that couldn’t survive face-to-face. Time to rip off the bandaid, wouldn’t you say?

Dr. Hope: I understand your perspective, Mr. Real, but “On Edge” does express deep affection for his wife. Loneliness plays a role, her medical needs… perhaps there’s room for empathy before judgement.

Mr. Real: (raises an eyebrow) Empathy is great, Doc, but it doesn’t pay the bills or mend a broken foundation. This man’s built a house on sand, and the tide is coming in. He can’t keep clinging to a picture-perfect past while the present crumbles around him.

Dr. Hope: But Mr. Real, don’t you think there’s value in exploring options before declaring defeat? Communication, perhaps? Understanding why things are falling apart? “On Edge” might surprise himself with the strength he finds to navigate this.

Mr. Real: Doc, he already knows his strength: it’s in facing facts, not clinging to fading hopes. He can choose to be a victim, drowning in “what ifs,” or a warrior, forging a new path. Time to stop romanticizing the past and focus on the future he deserves.

Dr. Hope: But wouldn’t it be wise to acknowledge the emotional toll as well? Divorce is painful, especially for someone who already feels adrift. Maybe there’s space for gentle guidance, for helping “On Edge” find emotional anchors amidst the storm.

Mr. Real: Doc, sometimes the gentlest thing is a wake-up call. A shake to the soul that breaks the spell of denial. This man needs to see the reality of his situation, not sugarcoat it with false hope. Only then can he make a clear-eyed decision, not one clouded by sentimentality.

Dr. Hope: While I value your pragmatism, Mr. Real, I believe there’s always room for both truth and compassion. “On Edge” needs a path forward, yes, but he also needs a hand to hold as he walks it.

Mr. Real: And I say he needs a firm shove to get him moving. No sugarcoating, no hand-holding. Time for tough love, Doc. Time for him to get real with himself and build a life he can be proud of, even if it means starting over.

The conversation continues, Dr. Hope and Mr. Real offering contrasting perspectives on emotional honesty, practicality, and navigating the complexities of heartbreak and change. They may disagree, but their shared goal is to empower “On Edge” to make the best choices for himself, whatever path he chooses.